I like to think that I have a great sense of control over the many aspects in my life even though I know it's only partially true. I feel secure and strong, or even beautiful. Some think it's pitiful that I pretend but I don't care. At this moment I really couldn't give a damn because nothing can bring me down from this self-made high. Although, I wonder how long this feeling of security and control will last. I wonder if eventually I will fall from grace and be consumed by all of the problems that I have been denying. Possibly. I'm not quite sure. Some one very close to me told me to get a grip on my life and emotions. That I should not be so influenced and be more intelligent than how I have been acting. He's absolutely right but I don't want to. I'm use to this way of living, I've lived this way far to long to suddenly stop. I wouldn't know what to do, or even know what kind of tools I would need. I guess, without a doubt, I've made quite the mess.
Knowing all of this, I still feel in control.
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I know you are in control. Some of the hardest things to deal with are when you feel most out of control, but deep down there is a light in which you know is the right light and you must always move towards it. I like your blog.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you gain control over your life?
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't have that much control over my life. Only over certain aspects, which makes me frustrated and depressed. To be honest, I have no idea what i have control over. My education could be one, I guess. I worry and worry over my marks and I study until I cry. So, my schooling is something I have control over. From that I have no idea where I stand. I've become too much of a pessimist over the years that the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems to far away. It's hard to move towards that light because there seems to be a brick wall obscuring my view. I try but I know I have to try harder. I'm sorry if this does not answer your question.
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