Control.

I like to think that I have a great sense of control over the many aspects in my life even though I know it's only partially true. I feel secure and strong, or even beautiful. Some think it's pitiful that I pretend but I don't care. At this moment I really couldn't give a damn because nothing can bring me down from this self-made high. Although, I wonder how long this feeling of security and control will last. I wonder if eventually I will fall from grace and be consumed by all of the problems that I have been denying. Possibly. I'm not quite sure. Some one very close to me told me to get a grip on my life and emotions. That I should not be so influenced and be more intelligent than how I have been acting. He's absolutely right but I don't want to. I'm use to this way of living, I've lived this way far to long to suddenly stop. I wouldn't know what to do, or even know what kind of tools I would need. I guess, without a doubt, I've made quite the mess.

Knowing all of this, I still feel in control.

I am....

......terribly sorry for not posting anything in a while. It has been a stressful past two weeks; full of exams, projects, pointless assignments, and loads of homework. To make it worse, it's Wednesday. The day stuck in the middle of the week. I just want this week to be over with so I can do some serious relaxing. I did a speech yesterday. Not the best day of my life because I hate speeches. I always get overly nervous and screw up. I can be very shy in front of a large group of individuals, I have always been like that.




Well, I sent out my application to Dawson college several weeks ago and is awaiting for a reply. I'm nervous. It seems that I am either stressed out of my mind or down right nervous. Not the most healthy life-style. Though, I am excited. I cannot wait for next year, living in the city has been something that i have been wanting to do in such a long time. I love the country but I feel it's time for a nice change.